The Weight of His Glory
“I was left alone, looking at this great vision. No strength was left in me; my face grew deathly pale, and I was powerless. I heard the words he said, and when I heard them I fell into a deep sleep, with my face to the ground”
Daniel 10:8–9 HCSB
I was a month shy from turning 23. Three days into grief but fully awake at 6am on Thursday the 18th of June 2020.
I laid on my bed praying silently for my Father’s resurrection, it was then I first felt the crippling weight of his Glory. My physical eyes stayed closed but I could see the whole room. I could hear something celestial like sweet bells ringing. To be honest that comparison is a gross understatement.
I saw my Father crawl up in the midst of that Glory to my side with a smile on his face while I remained paralysed under the heaviness of that awe-stricking power. He cradled me like a child, poking my back gently, saying “Ese wake up”.
I want to emphasize that I do not believe in Ghosts but I believe in Spirits of just men made perfect and my Father is in that number(Hebrews 12:23). I could hear love itself oozing from his voice. I cannot quantify the experience in time because I do not know how long it lasted.
I cannot understand why God allowed me to see him. Or why God permitted him to see me. Or what he meant when he said “Ese wake up”.
But I do know one thing. My life hasn’t been the same since his Glory walked into my little room. I have felt a hunger I never knew existed. A thirst. A longing.
His Glory transforms you
Moses remained there on the mountain with the Lord forty days and forty nights. In all that time he ate no bread and drank no water. And the Lord wrote the terms of the covenant — the Ten Commandments — on the stone tablets. When Moses came down Mount Sinai carrying the two stone tablets inscribed with the terms of the covenant, he wasn’t aware that his face had become radiant because he had spoken to the Lord.
Exodus 34:28-29 NLT
I want to say that I have not always been bold. I have not always been eager to stand for my Faith. In fact I have compromised too many times than I can remember yet I have found mercy to be worthy enough to carry the Gospel of my King. But like John how can I deny what I have seen or what I have handled or the Man Yeshua who has touched me.
“Oh yes, he touched me..”
I laid on my couch in my Parents’ sitting room just after praying that morning. I had asked for God to tell me what he intended me to do. I remember Pastor Poju of Covenant Nation saying on Mixlr “Ask him, he will tell you”. And that he did. I could only gaze on him in awe as he laid his hands on my head three times, saying “Gospel, Gospel, Gospel”.
I did not know who had come to me then. I did think it was the Spirit of Yeshua but two years after I realized that it was my Lord Yeshua. Yeshua the man who is fully God. Encounter after encounter, it takes me years to unravel these experiences. They never leave me. How could they? How can I explain that I have looked upon Adonai? How can I explain that I have tasted a fraction of his Glory? Me?
I feel like the Prophet Isaiah, in Isaiah 53:1 “Who has believed our report. And to whom has the arm of the Lord been revealed?”
All of this sounds fantastic until you really understand the reason for this post.
His Glory is Holy
“Set apart for me, Barnabas and Saul for the work I have called them to.”
I ran to the Wilderness trembling in fear. How could he have called me? Months after months, my Lord would ask me “Eseoghene, what are you doing here?” like he did Elijah, yet I would give excuses of my inadequacies and troubles. “Look at me Lord, I’m not strong enough. Look how easily I compromised. How do I ever come out of this?” I was running, hiding from his face, shrinking and accepting alot of things not in God’s plan for my life. Compromising the very depths of myself. I was Jonah, afraid of what the Lord was calling me to.
Months ago, his mercy came again pulling me out of my selfish devotion. Again like Elijah, I was standing on the Mountain at the Lord’s Presence. I remember feeling my Spirit revolt that evening. It was as though my lungs were heavy and my belly was turning in on itself. I didn’t need a soothsayer to tell me what it meant. It was so strong. So urgent. I was to pull myself out and be cast into the sea. I had to separate myself because of what God was calling me into. With shaky hands, I took hold of the cross and dropped it all at his feet . At that moment nothing else mattered other than following. Sometimes, I would feel terrible for what I had left behind and I would feel an assurance that I made the right choice. God even went as far as giving me a word of Knowledge through a friend.
I knew it was the best decision, not just for me but for destinies tied to mine. God reminds me daily that he loves me and it was not in his will for me to be beset by such weight. By such a trap that so easily ensnares. Or for any of his Sons. We ought to be running free; this race for Souls.
Concerning my Devotion,
I told my Friend Kwiksie that I wanted to go down the way of Paul, at least for a time because of the work set before me. She tells me that it is good too but I must not act like one who thinks having no husband means being superior to those who choose to be married. I agree with her. For whether in singleness or marriage, one choice does not Lord over the other. I am also aware that many people will say to me, God will give you the Man that he desires for you. That may be true. Marriage is Good and love between a man and woman is beautiful. God approves of it. It blossoms even better when it is done the original way God planned it.
In the event that I have a desire for marriage. I would want to marry to be Loved not to be tamed. If I would give my body to a man and his to me , I would give it knowing that he would love and protect me like Christ. If I would give intimacy to a man and him to me, I would know that he would cherish my love and I, his. And if I were to submit to a man I would know that I am doing a service to my King, Yeshua. Perhaps one day, God will point him to me, he will find me and I will know him. But for now, I am aware of my identity in Christ. Even in Marriage I will know who completes me .
At the moment, my neck is yoked with the burden of the gospel. I wake up everyday warring with prophecy and thinking less about the grief of living without a partner. He has placed a vision in me that keeps me restless and I am grateful. I do miss having a little romance in my life. The loneliness creeps in on me but fades very quickly because of a fire burning in me.
And oh how it burns.
Sometimes I am at my work Desk and the urge to scream rises up in me. I wish I were permitted to say more but I would exhaust this space if I share all my experiences.
Perhaps you ask,
What is the weight of his Glory?
It is a calling. A calling to intimacy. A drawing to his inner place. A pulling into his heart. Walking in power is not all it entails. But living in his very all, is his desire for all his Sons. We must all be willing to take up the mantle of Sonship, pull down the religion of Sunday services only and know this Christ that we profess.
You cannot truly follow or share in the Graces of Yeshua except you run free. Except you align. Except he means everything to you. Except he is your source, your moving, breathing and being. Except you live in total dependence on him.
Jesus said in Matthew 16:24 “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me” For most of us, we like the power that comes from sharing in Christ’s Graces but sharing in the cross or his suffering, we would gladly exempt ourselves from it. It is the nature of the flesh. 700 people followed Jesus until he spoke the truth of his ministry.
You must eat my flesh and drink my blood.
Meaning; you must have a part in me. You must share in everything. Like a couple shares in each other bodies. The bible records that they followed him no more. Only the 12 remained. The Cross is not a symbol of shame but one of glory for anyone who accepts the salvation provided by the sacrificial death of Yeshua. To carry one’s cross is not easy and on a day such as Good Friday, we are reminded of the agony of our Lord. It is the same death we must exert to our flesh not by nailing ourselves to a cross but by denying the world and its desires in much humility spoken of in Philippians 2. We are to emulate the example of Christ; to the despise the shame of suffering and look forward to the glory set before us just like he did.
For our light affliction which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of Glory
2 Corinthians 4:17 NKJV
In times past, Roman soldiers would gladly give their lives for the glory of Rome. What did this glory entail? Gold, names imprinted in songs, higher ranks in the army or maybe even a promise of being immortalized into gods after death. But we are not soldiers conscripted to a human army but of the Kingdom of God. This Kingdom is not in Gold or songs. The Kingdom of God is a treasure accessed by true seekers.
From the words of Yeshua “Seek you first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you”. The donkeys, the material things we so easily run after, romance, things that are exhaustible, above these things there is only one thing that is needful. That is the Kingdom of God.
And who rules the Government of God’s kingdom? His name is Yeshua. Who is Lord? Yeshua. Who is King? Yeshua. He is the Christ.
In a bid to warn the body, I end by saying;
Many have delved into the New age religion claiming true spirituality with chakras, tarot cards, star gazing, crystals and the likes. That I tell you, is a deception of the Devil. It is witchcraft. I know the first image that comes to your mind when I say Witchcraft is of a woman with crooked nose, a broom and an awkward looking hat. Witchcraft is a perverse channel to the spirit realm controlled by the Devil and his Cohorts. I pray you, let us not be deceived by what the devil presents to you as deep and cool. His strategy has never changed, beginning from the Garden of Eden till now his deception remains the same. He will attempt to pull you out from what God has said and offer you knowledge. Anything that attempts to give meaning to your Spirit man outside the word of God is a trap. The Bible states very clearly in Colossians 1: 15–20 that — in Christ you find all knowledge and all Wisdom. He is the Compendium of all things made, formed or created. He is the Centrality of all Power and Authority. The Firstborn of all Creation. So isn’t it deception when he is removed from the equation?
Brethren, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may Devour”1 Peter 5:8 NKJV
P.s I look forward to writing to you again. Greet the Saints who are with you for me. May the Grace of our Lord be with you and may his Spirit keep you in all wisdom until the coming of our Lord. Amen.